They called her the Green Goddess

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 24: Former model Cheryl Tiegs attends Global Green USA's 13th annual pre-Oscar party at Mr. C Beverly Hills on February 24, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Lester Cohen/Getty Images for Global Green)

She asked to be called the Queen of Green. 

(They called her the green goddess)

She arrived in her Smart Car, wearing a St. John’s Knit pantsuit, her hair-a curtain of silver. She just paid $100 for her weekly Brazilian blowout. With her PowerPoint, sage green handouts and brand-new Apple laptop, she was ready.

The Queen of Green was really the queen of consumerism Or: Just how big is that Manolo Blahnik footprint? There are eight cars in her vast garage. Then there’s the boat Lake Tahoe. There’s a VW at the condo in Mexico. And hubby has the massive Harley – boy toy.

Seeing Marvin slip into his Armani suit, sip an espresso, and climb into the big, sleek, black Mercedes sedan to go to the office on the 32nd floor of the Embarcadero made her green with envy.

It happens. Some ladies-who-lunch-and fail to launch-get bored staying at home. ‘Mother’ is another title, until your kids are in college the title no longer fits.

She tried painting classes, poetry classes, memoir writing classes and volunteering at the SPCA. She loved her constant companion, her sweet cat, Ms Kitty.

She was going slowly, silently, madly, crazy.  Shopping no longer filled the need. The clerks at Nordstrom all recognized her. Not a good sign. One stance at a volunteer soup kitchen was sufficient to teacher she couldn’t do “poor. ” The yoga classes were too crowded with all those jazzy, lithe and limber thirty-somethings who easily flung legs hither and yon.

It came like a lightning bolt, as she watched her maid take the recycling to the curb. The blue bin almost spoke to her.recycling-304974__180

She could be the Queen of Green and teach all the neighbors in her sleepy community, and the world, how to be green. She loved Earth Day.  She used cloth bags at the KentWoodlands market each week. She recycled her Vogue, Vanity Fair and People  magazines. What she did in her backyard (Watering her lawn and plants, filling the swimming pool, the hot tub,  and the fountain) was her business.recycle-151416__180

She would campaign to elect herself the “Queen of Green” at the Green Luncheon  She invited the 20 most important women she knew.  She spared no expense.  It was a lavish luncheon and everything was green – from the Apple Martinis to the Insalata salads with Green Goddess dressing.  It was fun and festive. However, she had  agenda and before dessert she launched her plan. Each woman there was invited to join her board. They must make the world green again.

She would be the Queen of Green – there would be TV appearances, glamorous trips to Aspen, meetings -perhaps at the White House. Apple Martinis flowed. The green Kate Spade wallets, at each place setting, were deftly swept up and tucked away by the ladies.


C’est fini

All it took was one snarky reporter, a few deft clicks of the mouse, and the Greenhouse came tumbling down. She was found out. Her fleet of gas guzzling vehicles and extraordinarily high water bills were public knowledge. The facade cracked and she and Miss Kitty holed up at the Ritz to avoid the fray.

A tropical resort at sunrise.

Tomorrow is another day….




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