San Jose Singles – love to be in love?

Match.com  sez “San Jose is not a city of flings.”

San Jose ranks #1 in the Bay Area for Serious Singles looking for long-term relationships.

Across the nation, it ranks #4 in the top 10 cities with the most Serious Daters and #1 on the list of “singles looking for love.”

For some, Love in 90 Days is a Bible. The esteemed author, Dr Kirschner, is dating guru with a plethora of great dating advice and techniques. ( See: book, blog, podcast, telesemniars…)

Even Mother Teresa says ” Love is a fruit in season at all times.”

Looking for love in all the wrong places…yoga, knitting classes, painting classes – are great places to meet women. Men, not so much.

Yeah, men love Beer, Brews, Pubs…Do you want to meet in brew pub?

Try Singles Hiking, Golf, Wine Tasting Events, Rock Climbing classes, Cycling events, Coed Sports teams…

If you are going to dabble online: Have a good friend assist with photos, you unique screen name and all the “copy” you have to provide to attract a mate.

Hot Tips: Get off the couch and out of the house. Don’t waste time on a dead-end relationship.

Notice the red flags and move on.   Whoever asks, pays.

 

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So Many Books, So Little Time

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man has shards of wisdom scattered throughout. Stroll down the aisles of your library and pick up three or four dating books.  (Dating for Dummies is really a treasure trove.)

As is, the classic : He is Just Not That Into You 

The best selling dating how-to-book, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a lark and a laugh and is peppered with some pretty good ideas for dating at 50.

Remember:

Don’t waste time on a dead-end relationship. Notice the red flags and move on. 

 

 

Hiding behind the mask: a first date

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Time to Take off the Mask
Dating 101: Great Advice
Step into the Light 
“Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone,
and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

Laurel Grove loves...

Date_oneJohnny and Jane met online. Perhaps she went a little fast. She will readily admit to not “Reading all the words.” She skims, looks at pictures of men served up on the online dating sites and gets excited.

She pushes the “Send” Button way too soon.

Johnny is a CPA named “John,” during the day. He works for a pretty famous company – and has been with this Fortune 400 company for over 2o years.

After 6:oo pm, the necktie and Hush Puppies disappear. John does a metamorphosis  and, bingo! he is Johnny. He posted photos of himself in leathers, near his bike, with a helmet, mostly not.

Women either love it or loathe it. Jane like that Johnny rode a bike, liked adventure, and wanted to join  a Club for couples who ride. He was cute – hiding behind the mask of sunglasses.

What the heck, she responded to his, “Hi…

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Sleeping far from the maddening crowd?

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In the sleep hygiene class, Marta-  who bragged about being awake every night for months shared that she and her husband had gone to Lake Tahoe for a week and that she slept like a baby.  The teacher commented that often times the change of environment is conducive to sleep. The class was abuzz ( read: mildly hysterical)  with numerous ideas about going away for a good nights sleep.

That weekend, Patsy the insomniac stockbroker from San Francisco, checked into the beautiful Anza Hotel in downtown San Jose. She arrived with her meditation tapes, iPod, sleeping pills, eye mask, Sleepy-bye Tea and lavender spray. She said the linens on the king- size bed were pure luxury; the air conditioner hummed quietly, an ambient noise and she slept from 11 PM to 7 AM without a hitch. She woke up refreshed and happy and couldn’t wait to do that again! A perfect night sleep had alluded her for years. 

Patsy’s soon-to-be fiancé, George, lived in a beautiful condo in San Francisco on Nob Hill. Each evening he strapped on his elephantine CPAP machine and slept like a baby. The cacophony of street noises on Nob Hill kept Patsy awake – so, she rarely spent the night there. George got a little grumpy and threw small tantrum about where they were going to sleep each weekend. She has been so sleep deprived for so many years – her passion for sleep almost outweighed her interest in George. True.  It had come to that.

The tantrum gave her a new perspective on old George; and the sublime good night’s sleep give her a new goal – to re-create the hotel suite – down to the most infinite detail. Sweet dreams.

pexels-photo-306534.jpegThe couple is taking a break. They agreed to speak in two weeks and decide to go forward or not. 

 

 

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Tantrum

San Jose Dating: Fright or Flight?

First, there were the Boys in the Dorm. Zero.

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Then, the Socially Awkward Boys at Google:pexels-photo-981096.jpeg

So, you try Tinder...Bumble…Plenty of Fish and then Match.com

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Madison tells the story of her friend, Zoe, coming to visit from Kansas City.   Zoe was thrilled to be in California and couldn’t wait to party with “cool Silicon Valley guys.” Madison opined that was an oxymoron. She claimed the boys in The Valley were just like High School or big  Private Party sex orgy jerks (see: Vanity Fair)  

Zoe suggested having a party in the apartment Rec Room and to put up signs and balloons. Madison rolled her eyes and said that was “way too Mid West.” Not one to take “No” to party planning – Zoe was full steam ahead and placed Party Invites on various bulletin boards around the huge apartment complex and encouraged  Madison to text all her friends. Let’s party!

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Tomorrow: Party like it was 1950

His photo on Tinder gave pause

Shelia was thrilled to be up and running on Tinder. 

She had dabbled on EHarmony and Match.com and grew tired of the back and forth messaging- she dubbed both sites “all talk no action.”

Her 30-year old neice, Patsy, bragged about her dozens of dates on Tinder. Patsy was out every night and her dating domain was Rosewood in Palo Alto.

Shelia got the Cliff Notes from her neice: they discussed “age and distance” and set up the account. Daters over 30 pay $19.99 to get in the game.  She would swipe Right if she liked the guy – swipe Left to reject. 

The photos of the men in Shelia’s age group were eclectic. There was the stout guy without a shirt, a guy wearing a lampshade, a man and his gun, and an old photo of #45.

She had reservations about going forward. Confused by the barrage of bizarro boys, she let her neice handle her foray in Tinder World.

In two weeks time, Shelia bragged and called herself a Tinder heart. She had ten dates with a wide variety of men. Her acuity in Swiping was much improved. She readily admits 50% of the guys were looking for a one night stand. The novelly waned.

Fortunately, she ran into George at Whole Foods, in a very long check out line, and a connection happened. Just like that. She encourages smiling at strangers. A lot.

 

via Daily Prompt: Reservation

Lambie, Don’t follow the flock –

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All you friends say you have to meet a guy for “Fancy Drinks” on a first date.

Wimpy Coffee Dates are for Baby Boomers. Baaa

The Hip, Cool, Smart, Kids meet for Designer Cocktails involving crushed lavender, bitters, and a potpourri of now hip -soon to be “dated” trendy liquids.

Wanna throw back a hot drink called  Nitro Gimlet? Your grandparents sipped Gimlets – They’re baaaack!  A new liquor emporium lists extensive selection of Boilermakers ( yawn) 
chamomile bourbon, chili arbol, banana liqueur, and oloroso sherry. Yum-banana liqueur – better on pancakes!

Wanna be French Quarter-ish: Try a San Francisco Hurricane with Two kinds of light/ dark rum, Galliano, citrus, passion fruit, bitters. I thought Galliano died with Mateus and Annie GreenSprings Wine.

Hey, Apple Boy of my eye – Why not try All About Eve Concotion of walnut-washed bourbon, Foro amaro, cocchi di Torino, and bitters. Buckle Up,Binkie,  it is going to be a bumpy ride when you have zero idea what those ingredients are. Whats with all the Bitters?
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Worst named Cocktail du Jour: Swizzle My Nizzle As expected? Fresh passionfruit, with a dollop of blanco tequila, modicum of vanilla, a squeeze of lime, and a blast of firewater bitters. Yum? Dum?

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You decide…it may be an oversight meet for drinks-with-bitters,etc

and  to miss the initial classic coffee date and the “getting to know you” hour.

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Oversight

Christmas and what to buy him?

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Every year, it is the same old thing: the Classic Christmas Conundrum.

Mr Right, my beau du jour, is a bon vivant, man around town, who attends myriad social events, parties, sporting events (season ticket holder extraordinaire) all year long. The very big bonus – I get to Go-With.    

(I gracefully bow out of boxing and wrestling.)

Mr Sort of Saville Row has been single for a very long time -and thrives on shopping at all the finest stores. He wouldn’t think of a stroll through “Merely Macys.” He has a very smart, very professional, Personal Shopper at Norsdtrom at Valley Fair.

He loves the famous men’s store in Sausalito, Gene Hiller. Men in the know, flock to this emporium of sartorial delights – for the finest suits, stunning leather jackets, the most exquisite dress shirts in a calvacade of gorgeous colors. 

However, I recently learned his real shopping Achilles heel.

 The Online Shopping Mecca: Daly’s 1895

They carry the finest assortment of All Things Men – from pocket squares to beautiful leather belts, handsome luggage and carry-ons, messenger bags…cufflinks, leather bracelets…

(Dear Santa, girls like bracelets and messenger bags and pretty pocket squares, too!)

My Christmas Shopping just got easier for my bespoke bon vivant!

Conundrum