A waterfall of flattery

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Alexis said time was flying- she was not getting any younger…

She put on her big girl pants and decided to go online and start dating. Again. She had put her big toe in the Online Dating Pool and met a few “great guys” who just weren’t right. The last year had been a dating desert.

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She met Hal – a kind, warm, real estate guy who was retiring early and gaga about his four grand children and their parents.

Hal was a gentleman – was thoughtful and effusive with compliments. On their first date he flattered her often and she could feel her cheeks turn red. Again and again. Blushing had been an embarrassment her entire life.

Hal commented that Alexis “glowed.” He was the first man in years who didn’t tease her about the her redness. She thought she looked like neon.

He thought she was the most attractive woman he had ever met online. And told her so. She had to thank him for the compliments and ask him to slow down.

That was last month. They are now very much enamored and constant companions.

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via Photo Challenge: Glow

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He thought he was so smart

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His name on Match.com was Mr San Francisco 17

He did not post a photo of himself – just 10 stunning photographs of San Francisco ( lifted from the free site Pixabay) Okay, give him points for creativity – take away points for not posting his real photograph. Some people post fake photos.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out – fake photos may entice and attract – however, the minute someone meets you in person – the jig is up. You can tap dance as fast as you can trying to explain the need for privacy, modesty, discretion – all that jazz – you are still a fake.

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Clever “Mr SF” met his Match-on-Match when Shelia-Skiier-Tahoe agreed to meet him at Starbucks on the Alameda. Kids, no one in their right mind posts a photo of Marilyn Monroe and claims the ID. Shelia – in a what was I thinking mood did. 

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MR SF walked into Starbucks, Shelia was seated at a table by the window looking for a San Francisco kind of a guy. On the phone, planning the date,  he said he would be “casual.”

Define Casual.

He walked right by her and she looked right through him. They sat at seperate tables sipping their coffees, waiting, scouring their phones – to kill time. Twenty minutes passed and Shelia became angry – she had been stood up.

Across the busy cafe, he became riled and decided to call the Tahoe Skiier. He dialled her number, she picked up and he asked her where she was. She asked him where he was. He said, “Starbucks,” and she loooked around. There were three guys speaking on their phones near her. Evidently, the tall, thin, red-head with the dressy, black leather pants was ‘the guy.’

He looked nothing like the John Cusak photo posted. Momentarily indignant, realizing her folly, she stood up and walked over to the red-head. 

No one but the two of them knows what was said. She walked out first. He sat at the table- looking our the window and watched her drive away in a brand new, red Tesla.

He always want to drive a Tesla, he called her again.

She didn’t pick up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Genius

Big Bummer: Amazon in bed with Ivanka?


Amazon Loves Ivanka

Amazon Prime… So long! Farewell – auf wiedersehen, good night.
I hate to go and leave this pretty site…

So long, farewell auf wiedersehen, adieu
I do – I do – I really must skidoooo!

So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen.
I’d like to stay but, I will Grab My Wallet...

While you sell Trump Brand: Clothes, Purses, Perfume and shirts and stuff.

I used to be a big time, avid, rabid  AMazon Prime Shopper –

but, now, there is a stopper.

So long, farewell auf wiedersehen, adieu- Amazon Prime

…no more shopping with you.

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Grab Your Wallet Lists 50 Stores that Sell Trump Brands. You will be surprised.

Avid

Hey! Look me over

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Trixie started out as a Baton Twirling Barbie in Junior High. The Team was: Blondes only, high pony tails, shorts skirts and deft skills at Baton. Her cadre travelled all over the state competing. It was rare that the  girls did not come home with the gold, silver or bronze.

In high school, Trixie joined the cheerleaders and stole the show with her gymnastics and Baton-moves thrown in for extra dazzle. While many of the other girls were blossoming, Trixie was tall, thin and thanked God and Victoria Secret for padded bras. Her high school graduation gift from her very cool grandmother, Channell, was breast augmentation surgery.

And so it began, over the moon-excited by her new figure, Trixie caught the bug. Her fairy grandmother (“Call me Channell, in public”) with the thigh-high boots, blonde extensions, short skirts, low cut tops and a perpetually surprised look on her taut face (a result of years of “touch ups”) “treated” Trixie to a nose job and a chin lift for Christmas.

After a stab at junior college, a new modelling agency ‘signed’ Trixie – now 5’9, thin, permed and very-dyed blonde hair cascading  to her waist. Channell was her ‘agent.’

A well known TV show was looking for new talent and Chanell had a brilliant idea for Trixie- she hired a voice coach to help Trixie to learn a song

The delightful lyrics were what the judges were looking for – All American, good girl:
“…I feel pretty..
… Oh, so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn’t me tonight… “
Trixie may have been pretty, but she could not carry a tune in a bucket.
For two weeks she tried to learn the song, sing the song, say the song, mime the song- to no avail.
The high notes where too high – she could never reach “witty” wihout her voice cracking.
Flummoxed, Channell decided “Dancing with the Stars” was more appropriate for once Trixie, now Trisha.
Let the dance lessons begin…

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Witty

Memories…Cats and dating

 

Everybody hated Cats on Broadway

People caterwauled their disdain for the felines frolicking on stage.

All except, Alan.

A rabid fan, while at grad school at Cooper Union,  Alan saw Cats 25 times in three years. If any friend, relative, or mere acquaintance arrived in New York – he would score low-priced TIX and “treat” the unsuspecting victim.

Flash forward, Alan (29, single, chess savant, hiker) now lives in San Jose – hangs out in Los Gatos and is Mr Match.com. His penchant for bad musicals has morphed into a burning desire to be in a long-lasting, for real, romantic, committed relationship.

The Secret: He won’t admit to anyone that he has created an Excel spread sheet – history and analysis of his myriad dates: It is a  who, what, when and what he did he wear and – the piece d’resistance – the Outcome.

Memories: He has erased all “memories” his Cats frenzy and currently thinks of himself as a pretty cool cat. You say “Cats” and he throws his head back and laughs and says, “Hey, dude that was a long time ago -I am drawing a blank.” And thats it. A silly chapter in his life – c’est fini!

Clever boy.

Can you do that? Erase a bad chapter with a smile and a dash of bravado?

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First words

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The baby girl was a cute as a can be.

People would stop her mother on the street and admire the beautiful child.

Once the pretty baby graduated from baby carriage to the stroller- more fans winked and  smiled and lavished praise on the pretty girl. The baby beamed, smiled and cooed. She was alert, engaging and a magnet for attention. 

Two years went by and the baby grew prettier – however, she failed to speak. She was examined, tested, analyzed and the consensus was she wouel speak when she wanted to.

On Halloween, she tripped and fell on the stairs and howled. She said, “Thorny!”           The family was so taken by her first word, they failed to grasp her meaning.

She howled louder, pulled up her Cinderella Costume and pointed to her knee and lisped: “Sore Knee!”

 

Thorny