Dates bombing at the bar? Think: coffee

cocktail-995574__180Are you playing Hide and Seek with First Dates?

Is he interested  and available and then- Bam! He disappears? 

Pssst: We call these guys Rude Dudes. And, advise you to avoid them at all costs,

Mimi B. lives in Millbrae ad considers herself a pretty, smart, successful woman. She had several boyfriends in college. She dated the love-of-her-life for two years before he broke up with her  and married someone else, a year later. She had dabbled on Match and jumped over to Bumble

She enjoyed a flood of attention and met tons of guys who were “Fine, not dreat.” Next. She got swept up with Tinder. Mimi B regales her friends with Tinder stories- some have been great- others laughbable and some very disappointing. Then she hit her stride. She laughed she could teach a class on weeding out dead end dates and the all-talk-no-action boys.

Have you ever been Stood Up? How many times?  More than once? Twice? More?

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Date night: You are dressed up, looking good, excited to meet the man you have been swiping texting thinking dreaming about…No dummy you, you text him to confirm the 9 pm drinks/date at the HaRa. Crickets. Tapping your foot – your mind races thinking of myriad excuses…another?

A Three Way With Ben and Jerry Sounds Good?

Scoop: Try a simple coffee date…meet your dates in daylight.

Keep it Simple. Cocktails on Date #2.

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This is not a lecture…just well-reseached data on dating.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

Winston Churchill

 

Lecture

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His photo on Tinder gave pause

Shelia was thrilled to be up and running on Tinder. 

She had dabbled on EHarmony and Match.com and grew tired of the back and forth messaging- she dubbed both sites “all talk no action.”

Her 30-year old neice, Patsy, bragged about her dozens of dates on Tinder. Patsy was out every night and her dating domain was Rosewood in Palo Alto.

Shelia got the Cliff Notes from her neice: they discussed “age and distance” and set up the account. Daters over 30 pay $19.99 to get in the game.  She would swipe Right if she liked the guy – swipe Left to reject. 

The photos of the men in Shelia’s age group were eclectic. There was the stout guy without a shirt, a guy wearing a lampshade, a man and his gun, and an old photo of #45.

She had reservations about going forward. Confused by the barrage of bizarro boys, she let her neice handle her foray in Tinder World.

In two weeks time, Shelia bragged and called herself a Tinder heart. She had ten dates with a wide variety of men. Her acuity in Swiping was much improved. She readily admits 50% of the guys were looking for a one night stand. The novelly waned.

Fortunately, she ran into George at Whole Foods, in a very long check out line, and a connection happened. Just like that. She encourages smiling at strangers. A lot.

 

via Daily Prompt: Reservation

On your mark! Get set- start flirting!

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Happy New Year!

Now is the time for all good Singles to take a dive into the online dating pool.

New Year’s Day is the most popular Start Date for Singles of all ages to seize the day and the dating world.

Whether you are going to trawl around Plenty of Fish , or Try the 7-Day Free Trial at Match.com or any of the other dozens of Dating Sites:

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Word on the streets, for myriad reasons – tsunamis of singles decide to try online dating the first week of January every year. It is what we do. Join the Club!

Whether you feel Tinder or  you are a woman who want to be in control and want to Bumble around. Do it.

“Life is short – Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.”

Mark Twain

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there is no time like Now

My first Tinder trap: one woman’s tale

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On a dare, I tried Tinder.

Like everybody else, I read the scathing Vanity Fair article, Tinder is the Night.

Skanky accounts of Strangers in the Night hooking up for a quick tryst and “Hit him and Quit him” were pretty revolting.

Boys Just Want to Have Sex

My former college roommate is now a Stanford PhD and has a passel of millennials on her couch lamenting the SillyCon Valley Social Scene. This highly educated, very professional, and uber-smart, married woman dared me to try Tinder. (Note: at one time, said PhD was a table top dancing, lampshade-wearing party girl)

Let it be said, three Moscow Mules can erase inhibitions.

We were up and running and signed in and within five minutes, the aforepictured guy appears. Obviously, Matt Damon, George  Clooney were busy.

We howled. This had to be a joke.

And, indeed it was. Mr Funny Photo is a rockstar writer on the fabulous site, Medium.

He, too, was playing in the shallow end at Tinder. 

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OK, Cupid – you are Next!

Obvious

Look before you leap into long distance dates

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Leaving on a Jet plane?  Think Twice: Long Distance Dates 

Katie was smitten. She met Romantic Robert on a popular dating site. His photos, funny observations and pictures of his new Porsche overshadowed the fact that he lived two time zones away. She said she loved his writing and all his pictures. She shared many of his passions (cars, Mad Max and 600 count sheets) Truth be told: she was hot to trot. Katie had been in and out of too many sour relationships and was ready for fun, romance, and passion.

After a handful of emails, they spoke on the phone. He was a big flirt, and he said, “Come to Atlanta, Sugar – I’ll show you the town.” (Notice: he didn’t say, “Let me buy you an airline ticket and I will graciously pay for your hotel room.”) Her friends told her to slow down, to ask more questions, to Google the guy, get to know him – more than via text messages, emails and a few phone calls.

She wanted to go the distance

She had tons of frequent flyer miles, her cousin lived outside of Atlanta, and she was confident that Robert was all that he claimed to be: single, a long distance runner, a gourmet, a CPA, and a Tulane graduate.

Take a page from this book

Katie’s expensive lesson is a lesson for one and all. She threw caution to the wind and flew to Atlanta against all advice from friends and colleagues. He met her at the airport with flowers, which didn’t disguise the fact that he was much heavier than his photos; he drove a Ford truck (the Porsche was in the shop) and took her to TGIF’s for dinner.

He drank two Long Island Teas while she sipped a Diet Coke. Initially, Robert was a charming Southern gentleman, by the second drink he was a boor. His active flirting with the waitress was the crowning blow. She excused herself, and on the way to the ladies room, asked hostess to call a cab to take her to her hotel.

She graciously informed him that she was going to her hotel and she would call in the morning. He protested. He suggested she stay at his house. He wanted know the name of her hotel. She kissed him on the cheek and left. The long, expensive cab ride to her hotel gave her plenty of time to dissect her experience with Robert.

Her friends had been right. She had moved too quickly and made an expensive mistake. She called her cousin and arranged to see her the following day. She would send a polite “Dear John” email to him and end that chapter.

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Top 5 Tips for Long Distance Dating

Long distance dates are rife with challenges. Be safe, be smart and plan ahead.

  • Always stay in a hotel. Can’t afford a hotel? Don’t go.
  • Never, ever stay in the other person’s home.
  • Upon Arrival: Take taxi /rental car to get to and from the airport. Never, ever get into a car with someone you’ve never met. Can you say Ted Bundy?
  • I’ve got a secret: be sane: There is no reason to reveal the name of your hotel until you are 100% certain your date is a Boy Scout. (Trustworthy, loyal, honest…)
  • Keep Safe: It’s a date, not a fashion show. No jewelry required. Keep your valuables in the hotel safe. Or at home.
  • Tell All: on every first date – in San Francisco – or out of state – be sure to inform several friends/family where you are going, staying, and the name and address of the person you are meeting. Yes, even coffee dates. Tell a friend.

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Can you Afford this Date?

You do the math. Figure it out: roundtrip plane ticket, taxi to and from hotel, meals, and hotel charges. Then tabulate how much time are you willing to spend on a long distance romance? Katie used to say “All the good men in San Francisco are taken.”

She changed her mind before she landed at SFO.

Lesson learned. Look ( Google the Guy/Gal) before you even begin to Leap.

Leap