The ‘My boyfriend must have list’ – a joke?

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In college, we played the “My Boyfriend Must Have” game.

We were a bunch of girls in a dorm – fueled by boredom and Sangria. We would make lists and dream up The Perfect Boyfriend.

 The My Boyfriend Must Have List  ran the gamut from:

A  car – any car to get off campus
A job
A 4.0
A credit card,
No roommates
Soft lips and warm hands.
Eventually, we got serious and decided a passport and a trust fund were “Must Haves,” (followed by gales of laughter. Ole! More Sangria, por favor.)

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Naturally, our answers changed with time; cool cars became more important.

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One Man’s Shopping List – 2016

Trixie, 32, is recently divorced and new to online dating.  She started dating has a man with  a variation of ‘My Partner Must Have’ list.  Hank created a very specific, lengthy catalogue of characteristics all his girl friends must have. Or else – hasta la vista, baby!

She asked me my professional opinion, was he “A keeper or too controlling?” You be the judge. Take a look at his list.

‘The Top 10 Must Have’ list from “Cool Dude in Palo Alto”

My perfect mate must have:

A healthy and fit body
You must maintain loving relations with long term and close friends, and family.
You must love children; you meet the challenges of parenting with empathy, humor, and wisdom

You must be financially solvent.

To keep up with me you have to have an active mind; you must have resolved the key issues of your life.
Must be emotionally very wise and comfortable
Must be emotionally warm, generous, and accessible

You must come from a happy home life, with parents who were happy and loved you.
You’ve must have been married, and know what it takes to make such a lifetime commitment work.

Is he Mr. Right or So wrong on many levels.

The list was preposterous…without wasting any time, I advised Trixie to delete and move on.

Any man with a shopping list that demanding and uber-specific – seeking a Barbie Doll, was barely worth the time it takes to hit the Delete button. She could do better. And have a lot more fun.

Next!

“The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions. Nietzsche

 

 

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First date: what are your Top 10 Questions?

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A crumpled piece of binder paper on a table…

The couple were seated in the window of the downtown coffee shop. They both looked as nervous as a couple of a first date.

She was sitting up straight in the chair, smiling – in a strained, artificial manner. He, too was sitting erect. However, he was playing with the salt and pepper shakers – lightly pushing them left and right – avoiding eye contact.

She took a piece of paper out of her purse and explained something, and handed him the paper. He slowly took the paper, unfolded it and studied it. She stared – waiting for a reaction.

The man studied the paper and a smile crossed his face. He began to laugh. She looked confused. He pulled a piece paper out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her. Seeming perplexed,she scanned the paper. She laughed and crumpled the paper into a ball. They both were laughing loudly as they left the coffee shop. 

After they left, the other woman in the restaurant and I exchanged a look. I got up to retrieve the wad of paper. Here is what it said:

Top 10 Questions for a First Date

  1. How does love and affection play a role in your life?
  2. What is your favorite and most treasured memory?
  3. What’s one thing you’ve done, but will never do again?
  4. Who’s your best friend?
  5. . Who do you think knows you the best?
  6. How often do you talk with your parents?
  7. Name one of your biggest fears.
  8. Are you employed? Where?
  9. What do you value the most in a friendship?
  10. Do you think your childhood was happy or sad?

Never underestimate the power of questions.

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Underestimate

The Unicorn’s Cousin and Prince Charming

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Skeptics and cynics will tell you Prince Charming is not real. These same people will claim to have seen a unicorn.

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High above the tree line in the Santa Cruz mountains is a secret trail known to very few people. Children are warned about playing, hiking or exploring this region. A few years back, two 12-year old boys rode their mountain bikes as high as they could, found the brambles and the felled  tree trunks to be too difficult to traverse, and continued to climb the hills on foot. Feeling bold and invincible, they pressed on until was close to dusk. There was more shade than sunshine and it was cold. They agreed to turn back when they heard a thrashing and crashing in the bushes ahead of them. At first, they thought: wild turkeys. Then, they heard the loud whinny of a horse. In a flash of bright light, a massive animal reared on it’s back legs and charged towards the boys. They fell to the ground in pure fright. And both boys shrieked. They saw the unicorn!

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The boys learned pretty fast, if you want to be teased, ridiculed and made fun of all through middle school – say you saw a unicorn – you can deflect an urban legend with quick wit, lies and sneers.

Urban Legend or Real: Prince Charming?

Women around the world are on the look out for their Prince Charmings. Raised on a diet of sweet fairy tales, girls dream, doodle, pursue and hope for the day, ( sing it with me )

Someday Your Prince Will Come.

Fact: There  are more princes than unicorns in California

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Look before you leap into long distance dates

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Leaving on a Jet plane?  Think Twice: Long Distance Dates 

Katie was smitten. She met Romantic Robert on a popular dating site. His photos, funny observations and pictures of his new Porsche overshadowed the fact that he lived two time zones away. She said she loved his writing and all his pictures. She shared many of his passions (cars, Mad Max and 600 count sheets) Truth be told: she was hot to trot. Katie had been in and out of too many sour relationships and was ready for fun, romance, and passion.

After a handful of emails, they spoke on the phone. He was a big flirt, and he said, “Come to Atlanta, Sugar – I’ll show you the town.” (Notice: he didn’t say, “Let me buy you an airline ticket and I will graciously pay for your hotel room.”) Her friends told her to slow down, to ask more questions, to Google the guy, get to know him – more than via text messages, emails and a few phone calls.

She wanted to go the distance

She had tons of frequent flyer miles, her cousin lived outside of Atlanta, and she was confident that Robert was all that he claimed to be: single, a long distance runner, a gourmet, a CPA, and a Tulane graduate.

Take a page from this book

Katie’s expensive lesson is a lesson for one and all. She threw caution to the wind and flew to Atlanta against all advice from friends and colleagues. He met her at the airport with flowers, which didn’t disguise the fact that he was much heavier than his photos; he drove a Ford truck (the Porsche was in the shop) and took her to TGIF’s for dinner.

He drank two Long Island Teas while she sipped a Diet Coke. Initially, Robert was a charming Southern gentleman, by the second drink he was a boor. His active flirting with the waitress was the crowning blow. She excused herself, and on the way to the ladies room, asked hostess to call a cab to take her to her hotel.

She graciously informed him that she was going to her hotel and she would call in the morning. He protested. He suggested she stay at his house. He wanted know the name of her hotel. She kissed him on the cheek and left. The long, expensive cab ride to her hotel gave her plenty of time to dissect her experience with Robert.

Her friends had been right. She had moved too quickly and made an expensive mistake. She called her cousin and arranged to see her the following day. She would send a polite “Dear John” email to him and end that chapter.

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Top 5 Tips for Long Distance Dating

Long distance dates are rife with challenges. Be safe, be smart and plan ahead.

  • Always stay in a hotel. Can’t afford a hotel? Don’t go.
  • Never, ever stay in the other person’s home.
  • Upon Arrival: Take taxi /rental car to get to and from the airport. Never, ever get into a car with someone you’ve never met. Can you say Ted Bundy?
  • I’ve got a secret: be sane: There is no reason to reveal the name of your hotel until you are 100% certain your date is a Boy Scout. (Trustworthy, loyal, honest…)
  • Keep Safe: It’s a date, not a fashion show. No jewelry required. Keep your valuables in the hotel safe. Or at home.
  • Tell All: on every first date – in San Francisco – or out of state – be sure to inform several friends/family where you are going, staying, and the name and address of the person you are meeting. Yes, even coffee dates. Tell a friend.

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Can you Afford this Date?

You do the math. Figure it out: roundtrip plane ticket, taxi to and from hotel, meals, and hotel charges. Then tabulate how much time are you willing to spend on a long distance romance? Katie used to say “All the good men in San Francisco are taken.”

She changed her mind before she landed at SFO.

Lesson learned. Look ( Google the Guy/Gal) before you even begin to Leap.

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Flirting! That’s what I am talking about

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Welcome to my world.

I was hired for a quick three-month assignment at Anonymous X to work my magic and <pouf> disappear. It’s what I do, this year. It’s been fun – I’ve met some very fun people.

Until I got here.

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This is what my world looks like.

Men (boys) glued to their machines with not an iota of social graces. I grew up in the south – with manners. Everyone I know, from home, has manners. We greet one another – we flirt, we engage, we talk, we go out for drinks. We go  places – not just bars. We aim to leave work early – usually.

Where are the Fun People?

Together

Whispering never works

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Dating 101: If you want to get noticed…you are going to have to kick it up a notch and sing your own praises…

There is no reason to bellow and trumpet your myriad fabulous qualities.                                                        

Your manners will speak volumes.

Guys, do you hold the door open for a date? Do you walk on the outside? Do you stand when she returns to the table – or when a friend approaches? Do you offer to pick up the tab or graciously split it with her? 

When it comes to conversation, do you ask questions, listen and carry a conversation?

Remember, on a first date you don’t want to monopolize a conversation – however, you only have one chance to make a first impression. Touting a few of your better qualities isn’t against the rules. Bragging is.

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Ladies, remember: you get one chance for a first impression.

 

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