Drinking 101: How to order a cocktail?

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Missy and Tiffany, 22, just graduated from The Big School in Palo Alto. They studied so hard, that they partied very little.

Now, it was time for them to learn about happy hour, cocktails and mixology. Before exploring the numerous hot spots they read about on Yelp,  the did what most nerds do to learn about “things.” The went online and got drunk on information.

Tiffany thought Drinking Well and not throwing up in public was important.

Missy wanted to learn to like Scotch and wanted to know exactly what to order in a dive bar. Her cousin told her not to order a Cosmopolitan in a skanky, dive bar. She learned Rum/Coke, Gin/Tonic, Vodka/Orange were all very cool to order. The two girls spent hours scouring Supercall.com

Somewhere, Missy had heard about a Palo Alto hot spot called Rosewood. the girl decided to dress up and go play where the big kids were. They would merely copy the other girls.

The two, petite, recent college graduates spent hours on Pinterest looking at cocktail dresses and traipsed through H&M and Forever 21. They both bought dresses, went on YouTube for make up tips and they were ready.

Read the fine print

The girls entered the bar and saw swarms of women floating around flirting. There were many men – lots looked like engineers from their classes. They “bellied up to the bar,” as instructed online. They both ordered white wine, to be safe. Liquor might be quicker, but they were still a little unsure.

The floorshow– was women in two’s and three’s drinking with one man, going on to another, people leaving the bar and returning was like watching The Animal Channel. It no time, the girls realized they were in Cougar Town.

They were out of their comfort zone – but stayed to watch.

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See:  Please Don’t Feed the Cougars

Copycat

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Bamboozled by Love – A country western love song?

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Jill gathered her four best friends for a Martini Party to talk about the status of her almost one-year relationship with Chance.  They hadn’t seen her in months and wondered what the heck was going on. She had been hook, line and sinker in love with this cowboy- and they wondered how long it would last.

Pygmalion

With his encouragement (read: to make him happy) she lost weight, changed her classic Nordstrom’s wardrobe to more risqué attire- involving boots, shorter skirts and tops that were very Va Va Voom.

She changed her hair color- he liked brunettes. He also liked a mane of massive curls- she got a permanent. She thought she looked like Little Orphan Annie- he said she looked, “hot.”

She even shocked herself when she took a Pole Dancing class in Los Gatos. She gave up her tickets to the opera and the symphony and found herself attending to NASCAR events.

Her Ivy League credentials and her impressive resume had landed her a job as the VP of Finance for a small, edgy start-up – in no time, it was taking off like a bat out of hell. The epitome timing and luck.   Initially, she worked long hours- as the company steadied its course – she found herself slipping out earlier, each week.

Her co-workers watched her morph from a conservative, tailored, corporate image to a faux Burning Man devotee.

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Chance had introduced Jill to “dive bars” and they had half-dozen sites they rotated in and out of. That afternoon, Jill arrived early at Mike and Charlie’s and saw a woman sitting on Chance’s lap. An empty beer pitcher and a package of Marlboros were on the table. She stopped in her tracks. He saw her and slurred, “Come on over, baby. I want to introduce you to Tiffany.”

One look – hasta la vista, baby!

All it took was that one scenario for Jill to wake up and realize she had been bamboozled by love. She said it was as though a lightning bolt had been thrown down by the gods. She walked out and never looked back.

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He called twice. She let the phone ring. He texted her five times. She did not respond.

And she never heard from him again.

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She donated her “What are the Chances wardrobe” to Goodwill and pulled on her own life again. Monday morning, she was in the salon to get her hair relaxed and lightened.

Next! Cowboys and gold diggers need not apply.

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Epitome