The Melody Nightmare

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Hank was 40 and suddenly single and now living in Los Angeles. Much to his shock and chagrin, his almost-fiancee  got “cold feet” (actually, she fell madly in love with they guy next door (randy, hedge fun cowboy) who gave her a Tesla, and keys to his places in Beverly Hills, Maui and Aspen.

Never mind that, enough time had passed, and he was ready to date.

He met Melody at a Gelson’s glam grocery in Hollywood. She was striking– dressed head-to -toe in very expensive labels. She had a long, blonde mane of beautiful hair and was squeezed into an ensemble that fit her like a glove. They met in organic produce and kept talking all the way to Checkout

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He asked her to go out for a drink. There was a mutual exchange of business cards. Two nights later, they were seated at a swank LA bar. He thought: just to meet and greet check her out, that’s all.

They chatted and flirted. Then, she ordered a second drink. Her façade cracked and sweet Melody became a bit pushy and announced, “I’m hungry.”

Hank-between a rock and a hard place- asked the bartender for a menu. It turns out Melody was actually  “famished” and she ordered the Lobster Caviar Entrée ($75)

Gulp.

Then, she was very abrupt with the waiter, and downright abusive to the busboy.

A gentleman, he waited until she finished her entrée. He asked for the check. He had enough and announced he had very early meeting the next day. He would have to say good night. He quietly settled the sky-high bill and dashed.

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She was ordering another drink as he left.

He was thinking about what the famed Beach Boy, Brian Wilson, said:

“I think I need the demons in order to write, but the demons have gone. It bothers me a lot. I’ve tried and tried, but I just can’t seem to find a melody.”

Hank had a whopper for him.

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Melody

Best Dating Advice: Mae West and Yogi Berra

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Dating Dilemmas? Boyfriend / Girlfriend Quandaries?

There are two legendary lovers

who  really knew what was happening  what’sup.

For instance, as you mull and dwell over, Will he call? Should I call? Is texting, again, too forward? Is dropping by too gauche? Did I go too far- or far enough?

Mae West was right- Think:  You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Mae West had a penchant for great advice packaged in a bit of double entendre and a dash of sparkling wit.

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She said:

  • When I’m good I’m very, very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.
  • Too much of a good thing can be taxing.
    A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.
  • I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.wedding-495271__180-3
    I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.hearts-37308__180     A hard man is good to find.

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Yogi Berra  Insightful Quotes Romance:

“It ain’t over till it’s over.” 

Signing Up for Match.com – yet again: It’s like déjà vu all over again.

The Breaking Up Couple’s Lament: “We made too many wrong mistakes.”

fork-1280701__180When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Best Advice for a First Date: Look and Listened: “You can observe a lot by just watching.”

Mae West Quotes

Yogi Berra Quotes

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Look before you leap into long distance dates

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Leaving on a Jet plane?  Think Twice: Long Distance Dates 

Katie was smitten. She met Romantic Robert on a popular dating site. His photos, funny observations and pictures of his new Porsche overshadowed the fact that he lived two time zones away. She said she loved his writing and all his pictures. She shared many of his passions (cars, Mad Max and 600 count sheets) Truth be told: she was hot to trot. Katie had been in and out of too many sour relationships and was ready for fun, romance, and passion.

After a handful of emails, they spoke on the phone. He was a big flirt, and he said, “Come to Atlanta, Sugar – I’ll show you the town.” (Notice: he didn’t say, “Let me buy you an airline ticket and I will graciously pay for your hotel room.”) Her friends told her to slow down, to ask more questions, to Google the guy, get to know him – more than via text messages, emails and a few phone calls.

She wanted to go the distance

She had tons of frequent flyer miles, her cousin lived outside of Atlanta, and she was confident that Robert was all that he claimed to be: single, a long distance runner, a gourmet, a CPA, and a Tulane graduate.

Take a page from this book

Katie’s expensive lesson is a lesson for one and all. She threw caution to the wind and flew to Atlanta against all advice from friends and colleagues. He met her at the airport with flowers, which didn’t disguise the fact that he was much heavier than his photos; he drove a Ford truck (the Porsche was in the shop) and took her to TGIF’s for dinner.

He drank two Long Island Teas while she sipped a Diet Coke. Initially, Robert was a charming Southern gentleman, by the second drink he was a boor. His active flirting with the waitress was the crowning blow. She excused herself, and on the way to the ladies room, asked hostess to call a cab to take her to her hotel.

She graciously informed him that she was going to her hotel and she would call in the morning. He protested. He suggested she stay at his house. He wanted know the name of her hotel. She kissed him on the cheek and left. The long, expensive cab ride to her hotel gave her plenty of time to dissect her experience with Robert.

Her friends had been right. She had moved too quickly and made an expensive mistake. She called her cousin and arranged to see her the following day. She would send a polite “Dear John” email to him and end that chapter.

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Top 5 Tips for Long Distance Dating

Long distance dates are rife with challenges. Be safe, be smart and plan ahead.

  • Always stay in a hotel. Can’t afford a hotel? Don’t go.
  • Never, ever stay in the other person’s home.
  • Upon Arrival: Take taxi /rental car to get to and from the airport. Never, ever get into a car with someone you’ve never met. Can you say Ted Bundy?
  • I’ve got a secret: be sane: There is no reason to reveal the name of your hotel until you are 100% certain your date is a Boy Scout. (Trustworthy, loyal, honest…)
  • Keep Safe: It’s a date, not a fashion show. No jewelry required. Keep your valuables in the hotel safe. Or at home.
  • Tell All: on every first date – in San Francisco – or out of state – be sure to inform several friends/family where you are going, staying, and the name and address of the person you are meeting. Yes, even coffee dates. Tell a friend.

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Can you Afford this Date?

You do the math. Figure it out: roundtrip plane ticket, taxi to and from hotel, meals, and hotel charges. Then tabulate how much time are you willing to spend on a long distance romance? Katie used to say “All the good men in San Francisco are taken.”

She changed her mind before she landed at SFO.

Lesson learned. Look ( Google the Guy/Gal) before you even begin to Leap.

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